HerKind.com

It's now more than 24 hours since Toronto's second subway shooting and all seems pretty calm. The way everyone is going about their business, you'd think nothing actually happened yesterday on one of the busiest subway platforms in Toronto. Not on the outskirts, as you might imagine... but in busy downtown Toronto.

The police, City Hall, and the TTC have all assured us that the victim, who is known to them, is co-operating, that there is a manhunt on for the suspect, and that the city and its transit are among the safest in the world. That this is a rare occurrence. That may be true by the law of averages, but I know a great many people who rely on transit to get around. Some of them are children and young adults. Toronto has had enough random shootings that have cut down innocent bystanders (one is enough right?). It's bad enough that it's happening on the streets, and buses, in bus shelters, and recently the highways (!!), but the subway is a whole other story. In the subway, you cannot easily escape, sound is distorted and basically transit users are captive to the calamity.

I should say at this juncture that I really hate the subway. It's a great invention and really the fastest way to get anywhere but back many, many years ago my first ever panic attack happened on the subway. That was probably the beginning of my not enjoying the mode of transportation. But I can sometimes feel the same way on a plane, or in a movie theatre or any kind of enclosed space with many people and limited exit. It has to do with my lifelong fear of random emergency situations.

They just don't feel all that random to me.It's probably not a good thing for my health, mind and body, that I actually expect these things to happen so when they do my first response is, "see?"

Why is it these events seem on the rise though apparently our crime rate is down. Yesterday was a particularly brazen day in Toronto, with the subway shooting, a highway 401 shooting and an afternoon armed robbery at a jewelry store in Yorkdale shopping mall. WTF?

As uncomfortable as I am on the subway, I still need it. As do over a million Torontonians a day. And none of us want our daily routine to be hijacked by gang wars and random acts of violence. We want to feel safe in the knowledge that we are as protected as possible and that our authorities have a clear handle on the problem. We want to know they are actively working to fix it.

So, what's to be done? I put the question to the Mayor David Miller via Facebook yesterday and got a reply from one of his reps that I should sign his hand gun ban petition. Well, I've done that. Do petitions work? I'm not sure. I respect and like our Mayor a great deal, but I think more needs to be done on many fronts.

The public, via the media, don't really get a clear picture of what is going on with illegal weapons. There's a whole other world happening on the streets. I certainly hope the police have a handle on it, but once again, one person dying in the line of random gun fire is not tolerable.

Some people think the root of gang related violence needs to be tackled. The lack of role models, the disenfranchised youth looking to act out against societal norms that exclude them, fatherless ness is sometimes targeted as the source, as well as poverty. Others think that tougher sentencing is the answer.

I think there needs to be a serious task force formed on this topic, one that includes some of the involved people who can tell the truth about what's going on, where the guns are coming from, how to rid the streets of them.Everyone needs to tell the truth and be transparent about it to the public.

And then a PLAN needs to be EXECUTED.

It needs to be a cooperative plan, that includes all levels of government, community leaders, police, transit authorities, and concerned citizens. And it should be helmed by someone of influence over youth - dare I say, a celebrity. Lobbying needs to be done, people need to get active and we all need to seriously work to eradicate our culture of whatever is causing these acts.

It may sound naive, and it won't be easy but clearly the mayor's heartfelt bid to ban guns is not working. I'd be very interested to hear any ideas on this topic. Please contribute your thoughts.

Chaos erupted after Osgoode shooting, Toronto Star

"Women can't raise their boys into men."

I heard this last night from a colleague of mine as we were hosting GuyTalk, our weekly radio show on CFRB, and in an instant I experienced a range of body sensations along with some wildly racing thoughts in my mind, most of which sounded like, "wait a second, my mother raised me, and I turned out okay," or something like that.

As it stands I happen to agree with him. As a guy who helps men with anger, grief, anxiety and addiction I get to see a lot of men and over those hours and through those conversations several patterns have emerged, one of which is the impact of absent Fathers on boys.

I work with men who are 'lost boys.' Unpredictable in their emotions, longing for bonding experiences, competitive rather than consultative, sympathetic rather than empathetic, and many lacking focus, or a passionate purpose; these are men who have matured physically but spiritually are youths in suspended animation.

So how do men mature and why is it that women cannot lead boys into manhood?

Men mature through challenge - we want our mettle tested by other men, by nature, by our own beliefs and most importantly by what we deem as our deepest fears. We seek to transcend our infant bond to our Mothers to an appreciation of feminine essence everywhere, including ourselves. We engage and complete this process under the stewardship of men. At best, when a woman raises a boy she gives her son her experience of masculinity, rather than actual masculine presence. She can say "I believe this is what men are like or, the men I have known this is how they were," but she cannot be a man.

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Counselor and "male expert," Dale Curd has appeared on CBC's Steven & Chris, Beer.com and hosts CFRB's GuyTalk, Sunday nights at 9 pm (ET). His website is www.dalecurd.com 

 I'm a person who moves slowly - that drives alot of people in Toronto crazy! You probably don't want to get behind me in a grocery line while I take the time that it takes to complete my transaction, put away my change, and gather my things. I make no apologies, it took me a lot of training to be able to give myself permission to live life at my own pace.

Life is short enough!

So when I read today that the earth is moving faster than scientists originally thought, I finally felt that there might be a reason why the dizzying pace of life sometimes gets to me. 

Earth move much faster than we thought: Astronomers

I like to start the new year out as well as possible, and never feel quite right unless I have assessed the year gone by and created new goals from its ashes. Notice I said goals and not resolutions. These plans are pretty personal and I'm not inclined to share them but I found an article that pretty much sums up something that has become important to me - the emotional and physical health benefits that come from being happy.

Happiness! Ten tips for mental wellness in 2009

Enjoy the read, hope you get something out of it, and Happy New Year!

A new study shows that happiness is contagious, and that if the people around you are happy, so will you be happy.

I like that.

Things have been a little heavy lately - the Canadian political situation, the global economic news, being on the brink of one of the most stressful times of the year for a lot of people.

This happy little piece of helpful news came out on a day when it occurred to me that I'm just not having enough fun lately. So, I'm making it my mission to inject a little bit of fun into my everyday and to pass it on. Hopefully that will attract happy people to me and then we can all be uncontainably happy! I can't wait!

And I'm not kidding!

Happiness is contagious, study finds, Reuters, UK.