HerKind.com

Not long ago I met a woman who, recently divorced, was looking forward to this new "cougar" trend, whereby women of a certain age date younger men. She'd been married for quite some time, so I can see how it might be a novelty to her. She couldn't wait to go out on the town and see what kind of "cubs" she could bring into her lair. And judging by the type of hype the new Courtney Cox show, Cougar Town is receiving, you'd think this was a brand new idea, and a fully accepted one at that!

The thing is, if it was a whole show devoted to poking fun at it wouldn't be necessary. I spent a number of years in a relationship with more than a decade of age difference. It wasn't something that was fully legitimized by my peers... until many years later when they began to do it. Then it was the new, great thing. Course I've never been married, so that must be the difference. Once you've escaped the constraints of a long-term marriage getting it on with a younger man can only be seen as "empowering." I guess.

I've seen this "cougar" thing gain ground, fade, gain ground and fade. I actually think it's pure silliness. Rather than empowering, it's degrading. I don't spend alot of time talking about my experience with it because I didn't think it was anything to brag about, it was a personal and very real relationship.

Trivializing it, branding it a trend takes away from the reason an older woman might choose to spend time with a younger man. Here it is: at a certain age it becomes extremely difficult to meet men who are free - either because they are married, or married-looking -to-fool-around. At one point it was important to me to be with someone who hadn't been married, and that's also difficult to find over 40.  It's not an immaturity thing, a point of empowerment or a thumbing your nose at societal mores. It's just a circumstance and, mostly, a personal decision that is diminished by so much scorn posing as acceptance.

At the risk of sounding bitter, I would also like to say that our culture is increasingly infantilized by our entertainment sources. I'd rather see women portrayed as smart, insightful and empathetic (whether they are mothers or not, I might add). Now that is empowering.

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As an aside to this post. I have not had sufficient time lately to write more updates on this blog. Regretfully. Regular readers know I have so much more to say, alot more frequently. Alas, the day job has sucked the life (and brain) out of me. It's also been an extremely difficult year in my career life. Hopefully all that will change sooner than later and I can get back to being ME.

Thanks for coming back.

C