HerKind.com

Maybe it's just the way it was reported, but when I read this article on the Calgary woman who, through the miracle of IVF, gave birth to twins at 60 I was put off by some of the comments from her doctor. I fully agree that the ethics around fertility drugs is sketchy at best. In particular this woman, it seems, put her life and the life of two babies at risk because she could never reconcile not having had children. But questioning her age based on the fact that it's "two generations" away from the newborns' is worrisome. Plenty of children have older parents. Hell, my mom was probably considered ancient when she had me in 1960 at the age of almost 40. I survived - and thrived - with a mother full of wisdom and the kind of knowledge that comes from a lived life.

No-one questions the phenomenon of men becoming fathers at "grandfather" ages. There are plenty of examples of this in pop-culture. David Letterman for one. Does anyone question his motives? Who can deny that the eventuality of his son has softened him, and clearly made him very happy. No-one likely believes little Harry is deprived of love, affection or means. Men can have children until the day they die, provided they find someone young and fertile. I mean, it's not outside the realm of possibility like it is for women, unless they spend beyond their life savings to do so. 

Sadly, in most countries, you can't even adopt a child past a certain age. So, the older men who can still father naturally have it made - provided it's what they want.

Regular readers know I spend a great deal of time, words and energy championing men. But today I'm on the side of this Ranjit Hayer - it seems to me she had her heart in the right place. And though I generally disagree with fertility technology and the business behind it that, more often than not breaks people's hearts while emptying their bank accounts, I fully support an older woman's right to bask in the joy of mothering.

Her case is a little different than most because she had tried for years to become pregnant, and after having a few miscarriages, she sought help. Generally though, our society is still somehow signalling to young women that they have loads of time to get pregnant and can do so well into their 40s, as natural as can be. This is wrong, as well as the notion that frozen eggs past a certain age (say 35) will result in pregnancy. Plain and simple, we're born with all our eggs and from puberty til menopause we lose them every month. They do not replenish, and they age. I wish Ms. Hayer could have reconciled herself to her biological and physiological fate, though I can tell you, that is not an easy thing to do and takes time and the kind of understanding that is not in abundance. But since she couldn't, I wish her good health and a long life with which to enjoy her children.