HerKind.com

"Women can't raise their boys into men."

I heard this last night from a colleague of mine as we were hosting GuyTalk, our weekly radio show on CFRB, and in an instant I experienced a range of body sensations along with some wildly racing thoughts in my mind, most of which sounded like, "wait a second, my mother raised me, and I turned out okay," or something like that.

As it stands I happen to agree with him. As a guy who helps men with anger, grief, anxiety and addiction I get to see a lot of men and over those hours and through those conversations several patterns have emerged, one of which is the impact of absent Fathers on boys.

I work with men who are 'lost boys.' Unpredictable in their emotions, longing for bonding experiences, competitive rather than consultative, sympathetic rather than empathetic, and many lacking focus, or a passionate purpose; these are men who have matured physically but spiritually are youths in suspended animation.

So how do men mature and why is it that women cannot lead boys into manhood?

Men mature through challenge - we want our mettle tested by other men, by nature, by our own beliefs and most importantly by what we deem as our deepest fears. We seek to transcend our infant bond to our Mothers to an appreciation of feminine essence everywhere, including ourselves. We engage and complete this process under the stewardship of men. At best, when a woman raises a boy she gives her son her experience of masculinity, rather than actual masculine presence. She can say "I believe this is what men are like or, the men I have known this is how they were," but she cannot be a man.

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Counselor and "male expert," Dale Curd has appeared on CBC's Steven & Chris, Beer.com and hosts CFRB's GuyTalk, Sunday nights at 9 pm (ET). His website is www.dalecurd.com