HerKind.com

My years-long estrangement from my father meant that I rarely acknowledged Father's Day until we "made up" a couple years before he died - an eventuality that I am often heard saying saved my life.

Why do I characterize it that way?

Well, when you find it in your heart to forgive the person who caused you the most pain and uncertainty in your life, it's nothing short of a blessing. When he somehow finds it in his heart to meet you halfway, even better. The result is feet a little firmer on the ground, ground a little firmer beneath your feet.

It doesn't change the history of the relationship but you can find out some things that give you the perspective you need to change the way you see him, and then, of course, all men. The father/daughter dynamic paves the way for all her relationships with men, no doubt about that.  Find the guy most difficult to please, the one most emotionally unattainable. That was my legacy... up until very recently.

There has been nothing more important to my self-esteem than finding out that my Dad really did love me after all. Not only that, he respected and admired the person I became. I never would have known this had I not opened up my mind and heart toward and not against the acceptance I  most wanted.

What a relief!

I've been doing alot of reading and writing about fathers and sons because of a literary project I'm working on. It's a vital relationship and the lack of it can be debilitating for boys and young men. Yet father absence is at epidemic proportions in North America. On the other hand, many fathers are now heading up single parent families, a rather unacknowledged fact in our culture. Both states of existence need more attention. The father's banished from their families, replaced by other men, wrongly accused of abuse to secure custody arrangements against them, those who have died leaving sons in unexpressed turmoil - no matter the circumstances, sons pay the price.

The 2006 Census unearthed these stats: 281,406 one-parent families are headed by men, representing about 20 per cent of Canada's 1.4 million one-parent families.  That's a 14.6 % increase since the 2001 census.

News media fall all over themselves these days to decipher and explain trends... why not these?

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For more Father's Day thoughts please look at my other website, Lonely Boy / sons without fathers