HerKind.com

Society tells us, and has done for years, that to be a mother is not only a woman`s biological imperative, but the ultimate emotional fulfillment for her. The choice to not have children, or the circumstance of time simply running out doesn`t seem to track on any acceptable radar in our culture. For that reason, the child-less women among us have many, many occasions to keep silent. We`re rarely asked why we don`t have children and I`m not sure if that`s because it`s the question that is feared, or the answer. It is assumed, I suppose, that we`re selfish - that we prefer our careers, our own company and our freedom. We have little or nothing to contribute to the countless discussions about motherhood, the various stages of our child`s life, how to balance work, relationship and baby. Often we sit silently listening to the complaints, boasts and worries over children - we`re not expected to speak, nor is it considered rude to blatantly leave a "non-mom" - as we've been called - out of a conversation. If we offer advice, because it`s asked of us, or because we care and know a bit about the topic simply out of witnessing and being empathetic, we are very often shut down with, `you don`t understand, you don`t have kids.`

Many times we go home baffled and sad. That`s just the way it is.

Whether not producing offspring is our choice, or something beyond our control - and no matter how we feel about our lives without them - we still must tread very carefully around the topic. We must never give the impression that we don`t like children, or that we are of the opinion that not every woman should be a mother. And any other opinion or feeling that, when expressed, might sound like sour grapes.

This is something I rarely express and yet is a very large part of my life right now. Getting square with myself about loss of fertility and only just feeling ready to have and rear a life.

That`s why it`s always a relief to know there are others of my ilk out there in the world. One writer handles her barren life (as some are wont to call it) in a unique way.

Giving Birth To A Lie: I have many children, all toddlers, all imaginary. It`s what strangers want to hear, Christine Fader, Globe & Mail